Family Behaviour
Family Behaviour. The Family Refuses to Acknowledge the Addiction Like the person struggling with addiction, the entire family also refuses to acknowledge the issue. They strive to maintain a facade to the outside world, pretending that everything is alright and that there are no problems, as confronting the reality is too painful for them. While some family members only conceal it from others, others completely deny it, even to themselves. This behaviour hinders the recognition of the repercussions of addictive behaviour that impact the entire family, such as when the addict loses their job and shifts the blame onto others or fate.
The Family Does Not Share Deep Emotions
Family members are discouraged from expressing strong feelings and, over time, they even learn to suppress them. The most powerful emotions, particularly anger, are perceived as threatening. Members of these families attempt to maintain a sort of emotional quietness to avoid upsetting the addict, as they fear his or her reactions, especially the aggressive responses that addicts can sometimes exhibit. Discussions about addiction are also avoided, as it is a highly charged emotional subject. It seems as though a motto has been adopted: “If you remain silent, perhaps nothing will occur.” The issue is that emotions cannot be selectively ignored. You either experience all emotions or you cease to feel anything at all. Therefore, in the effort to suppress intense feelings, all other emotions end up being stifled as well. This complicates the ability to understand what you are feeling and to recognise your emotions. Consequently, it is not unusual for anger to manifest as anxiety or stress, and for depression to present itself as irritability. However, since emotions are essential for guiding us, making decisions, and connecting with others, when you struggle to identify your feelings, it can lead to various issues, including difficulties in relationships with individuals outside the family.
The Family Tries to Control the Addict –
Family members try to do everything they can to get the addict to give up their addiction, but these attempts fail over and over again. They also try to control each other. There will be those who think that the addict should be thrown out of the house and cut their relationships with him or her, and those who take the addict’s side; seeking excuses and covering up the consequences of the addict’s behaviour.
The Family Reverses the Roles – Family Behaviour
Family Behaviour. Attempts at control, and the prohibition of feeling and speaking about certain topics, are invasions of privacy that violate psychological boundaries. The boundaries between generations are also broken. The normal thing, in a healthy family, is that parents do not share certain information with their children and do not look to them for emotional support or as counsellors. But the high level of stress in the family of the addict makes children perceive the discomfort of their parents and feel obliged to take care of them— to save their family. They take responsibility for something which a child should not be responsible for, as they need their parents to take care of them and not the other way around.
The older son or daughter often ends up assuming the role of an alternate parent, taking care of their siblings and their own parents. All of this means that children must deny their age-specific needs to become adults too early.
- Reverse roles
- Privacy Problems
- The Family and Confidence and Privacy Problems
With the high level of stress that this entails and suppressed emotions, family members gradually stop responding to the emotional needs of others. They do not do what they said they would do, they are not there to support each other, they do not respond in an empathetic and understanding way. The trust and intimacy that may have existed between them in the past cracks. For this reason, it is not uncommon for children to become adults who perceive relationships as stressful and destructive,
Experiencing intimacy issues with others can be challenging.
The Family Exhibits Behaviours That Foster Addiction. To assist their family in progressing, those who are close to the addict often take on the responsibilities that the addict used to handle. When the addict loses their job, the resulting loss of income can hinder their ability to pay bills. If you’re fortunate, you might discover a way to earn additional income, cover the bills, and support your family, but in doing so, you may also be shielding the addict from facing the negative repercussions of their actions. As a result, the addict can continue their addiction without facing significant consequences, since their partner is there to “handle the dishes” and provide for the family’s needs. Consequently, the family of the addict becomes ensnared in a cycle that sustains the addiction.
Behaviours that encourage addiction – Family Behaviour
- Codependency in Adults
- The Family and Adult Codependency
Children of addicts often struggle to recognise their emotions and emotional needs effectively, even though they become highly attuned to the emotional environment as adults. They perceive love as fulfilling dependency needs rather than as a genuine concern for the other person’s well-being. This leads them to feel more comfortable in relationships where their partner lacks full independence, such as with addicts, making it common for them to end up with an addict as a partner. To address these issues and foster healthy, normal relationships in adulthood, families frequently require assistance. Call 07811 606 606 (24 hours)